~Flat Food People ~
The Story
I was told this story back in 1999. The man who told it was a business adviser to large corporations at the time. He was there when it happened. Not an urban legend!
John was advising a large company in downtown Los Angeles at the time. The CEO of the company just happened to mention, in passing, that he was having trouble with something. John asked him about the problem. The CEO explained that he was having trouble with a computer problem. This was no small computer problem. He had put six of his people on this months ago, full-time. It was costing him a lot of money. Assume each employee was getting about $5k a month at the time. And, it was costing him face with his clients and customers.
John suggested that the CEO let him bring in a guy that he knew that could possibly fix the problem, Ben. The CEO was skeptical, as six people with months behind them had already tried. John assured him that Ben knew what he was doing and could really possibly fix the problem. The CEO decided to let Ben try. He was convinced that he would not be able to do so.
John then told the CEO that Ben would have to come in at night and that in no way could there be anyone else in the building when he brought him in. The CEO thought this was strange. John explained that Ben was a "flat food person", someone who does not really go out in public, for various reasons. This is the kind of person who works long hours at their desk. When it's time to feed them you just shove food under the door. The food has to be flat so that it will fit under the door, thus the name "flat food people". The CEO agreed.
Ben arrived. It was very late, wet and dark out. He came through the door pushing his 10-speed bicycle with one hand and holding a large 711 "Slurpee" in his other. Ben was wearing a Speedo and a raincoat. That's all! John happily greeted him and escorted him upstairs.
When they walked into the room, ALL six men that were working on this project were there. They smirked and snorked and muttered their doubts and prejudice. John urged the CEO to tell them to go home. They would not leave! He urged the CEO to at least keep them out of the way and to please stay out of the way himself. More muttering ensued.
John quickly showed Ben the office he could work in and left him alone.
The CEO was a bit skeptical, but John assured him again that if anyone could fix his problem it was Ben. The CEO trusted John, so relaxed a little. On the other hand, the six men were talking amongst themselves. There was snickering and laughter. Sharp words could be heard. John pleaded with them to be quiet and not say anything until after Ben left the building.
I can't remember the exact amount of time that passed, but I'm sure it was nor more than an hour or two. Ben walked out of the room with what remained of his Slurpee in hand (no, he had not drunk it all yet) and said he was done. Done as in "done, can't be fixed" or "done, fixed?" The problem was fixed. The CEO was thrilled. The six men were NOT happy. Ben had just made them look REALLY bad. They were all lined up by the door, much like a wedding receiving line. With Slurpee in hand, Ben grabbed his bike and started past everyone. He was just about to make it out the door when the last guy made the snide remark that it could not possibly be fixed in that short amount of time. John tried to say something, but was too late. Ben stopped, ripped them all a new one, as a group, for being so stupid and ignorant, took the lid off his Slurpee and threw the remainder of it's contents at the guy who verbally bashed him. He then turned back to his bike and, with his raincoat over his arm and wearing nothing but his Speedo, proceeded to walk out the door.
The man, that was now covered in a sticky mess, was royally pissed off. John got between him and the door and reminded him that he had urged them to please not say anything until after Ben had left.
Happy Ending . . . the problem was really fixed.
John was advising a large company in downtown Los Angeles at the time. The CEO of the company just happened to mention, in passing, that he was having trouble with something. John asked him about the problem. The CEO explained that he was having trouble with a computer problem. This was no small computer problem. He had put six of his people on this months ago, full-time. It was costing him a lot of money. Assume each employee was getting about $5k a month at the time. And, it was costing him face with his clients and customers.
John suggested that the CEO let him bring in a guy that he knew that could possibly fix the problem, Ben. The CEO was skeptical, as six people with months behind them had already tried. John assured him that Ben knew what he was doing and could really possibly fix the problem. The CEO decided to let Ben try. He was convinced that he would not be able to do so.
John then told the CEO that Ben would have to come in at night and that in no way could there be anyone else in the building when he brought him in. The CEO thought this was strange. John explained that Ben was a "flat food person", someone who does not really go out in public, for various reasons. This is the kind of person who works long hours at their desk. When it's time to feed them you just shove food under the door. The food has to be flat so that it will fit under the door, thus the name "flat food people". The CEO agreed.
Ben arrived. It was very late, wet and dark out. He came through the door pushing his 10-speed bicycle with one hand and holding a large 711 "Slurpee" in his other. Ben was wearing a Speedo and a raincoat. That's all! John happily greeted him and escorted him upstairs.
When they walked into the room, ALL six men that were working on this project were there. They smirked and snorked and muttered their doubts and prejudice. John urged the CEO to tell them to go home. They would not leave! He urged the CEO to at least keep them out of the way and to please stay out of the way himself. More muttering ensued.
John quickly showed Ben the office he could work in and left him alone.
The CEO was a bit skeptical, but John assured him again that if anyone could fix his problem it was Ben. The CEO trusted John, so relaxed a little. On the other hand, the six men were talking amongst themselves. There was snickering and laughter. Sharp words could be heard. John pleaded with them to be quiet and not say anything until after Ben left the building.
I can't remember the exact amount of time that passed, but I'm sure it was nor more than an hour or two. Ben walked out of the room with what remained of his Slurpee in hand (no, he had not drunk it all yet) and said he was done. Done as in "done, can't be fixed" or "done, fixed?" The problem was fixed. The CEO was thrilled. The six men were NOT happy. Ben had just made them look REALLY bad. They were all lined up by the door, much like a wedding receiving line. With Slurpee in hand, Ben grabbed his bike and started past everyone. He was just about to make it out the door when the last guy made the snide remark that it could not possibly be fixed in that short amount of time. John tried to say something, but was too late. Ben stopped, ripped them all a new one, as a group, for being so stupid and ignorant, took the lid off his Slurpee and threw the remainder of it's contents at the guy who verbally bashed him. He then turned back to his bike and, with his raincoat over his arm and wearing nothing but his Speedo, proceeded to walk out the door.
The man, that was now covered in a sticky mess, was royally pissed off. John got between him and the door and reminded him that he had urged them to please not say anything until after Ben had left.
Happy Ending . . . the problem was really fixed.
You could say there are several well known morals to this one story:
This is way fun, but I need to wrap this up. |